Family

My cousin came for a visit over the weekend. We haven't seen each other for about five years, when I visited her at her home in Phoenix. She and my mother share the same birth day, 20 years apart, so there is a special connection between our families. It was wonderful to see her, and to share time together.

What does this have to do with Equine Gestalt Coaching? Well, it was an excellent barometer of my personal growth. My cousin and I are very different people in some ways, and in others we are alike. Kind of like most relationships. Our biggest difference is that she is conservative, and I tend to be quite liberal (I do, after all, talk to trees and animals and believe in fairies and reincarnation). She keeps track of what's going on in the world, and I tend to ignore "reality" and create my own version of what's happening. Neither way is better than the other; they are merely different, and that is where my growth really showed.

My old self would have been bristling a bit at some of the things my cousin discussed and embraces as her beliefs. It wasn't like ME, so how could it be right? There were times when I could feel myself heading down my old, judgmental path. Wait! Let's change this up. So instead of being irritated, I became fascinated. "Tell me more about that," I asked, and gained some valuable insights into my lovely cousin and her life. By listening instead of judging, I discovered depth and beauty and a magnificent, caring heart underneath all that Midwest stoicism. It has always been there. It was my blindness that prevented me from seeing all of it.

Thanks for visiting, cousin, and for being in my life. I love you.

Confidence, Eluding Me

Why, oh why, is this such a bugaboo for me?

Things were clicking along nicely (as evidenced by the post just before this one), and then I did some research for my business plan on “the competition.” I perused the advertisements in some local horse magazines, and came across someone who is doing similar work. Her focus is not-for-profit, and she calls the work she does equine facilitated psychotherapy. She has a few letters behind her name. She’s been fairly prominent in the horse world around here for a while; even I, who never really did any showing, but who attended my share of horse shows, recognized her name. She has a certification program, and there are some people who have graduated from the program and are listed on her website.

It all looked so official, with lots of confidence all over the ad, and another ad she had a few pages further on in the magazine.

I could feel any confidence I had slowly seeping out of my body and dissipating in the suddenly frosty air all around me. Who am I to offer anything of this nature?

Then I noticed that a few of my classmates are offering sessions or workshops, and .... I’m not. (The power of NO, right?) The seeping started flowing a little more strongly, and before I knew it, there I was, a pool of non-confidence looking for a place to hide so I didn’t have to face myself.

Here’s the real kicker. Locally, there’s not a huge amount of activity around “equine facilitated” or “equine gestalt” anything - the field is wide open. Many of this person’s graduates are down in Portland. And besides all that, my mind knows that there is plenty for everybody, and I celebrate her success. As far as my classmates are concerned, we come from all different situations and walks of life, and some are more ready than others, and some have probably been doing something similar for a while, and yada yada yada. And my mind is thrilled that they are moving forward and being open about it and sharing, and I’m so happy for them. There is absolutely no logical reason for me to have a lapse in confidence.

So what’s up with this? Obviously logic on this subject is being overpowered by some pretty strong blueprints and emotions. I can hardly wait for my next CORE (June 9, Melisa, I’m on my way, and I hope you’ve got my name on a piece of work with you!) to work on this most upsetting of behaviors. It’s time to let it go, and since it’s taken me a lifetime to realize it’s time to let it go, I can’t expect it to happen over night. But of course I do. ARGGGHHH!

Understanding the Inner Introvert

“When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” In my case, it has been more than one teacher, and oh-so-subtlely in my face. Look quick, or you might miss it!

At work this week, our wellness team invited in a presenter whose talk was about utilizing the strength of your personality. I was pretty busy, so almost didn’t go. So glad I did! The presenter’s company name is The Introvert Entrepreneur. Intriguing, to say the least, and the presentation was about Introverts and Extroverts, and how we can work with one another better instead of driving each other crazy. Good stuff, and the part that really stuck with me was how Introverts actually make very good leaders, speakers or facilitators because:

We can get a word in edgewise when we’re in front of an audience!

Sounds funny, but introverts are typically quiet by choice rather than because of fear. We process internally rather than externally like an extrovert. As a result, we may seem a bit standoffish or unfriendly, but honest! We’re just trying to make the response perfect, so we’re practicing in our heads.

Speaking of our heads, we introverts do tend to spend just a wee bit too much time in there, enjoying our own company, and playing head games that can stop us before we start. Then we start to wonder if we’re really cut out for entrepreneurship, and before you know it, there’s the fear demon.

Which brings me to my second teacher-of-the-week. This very important learning came to me via an email message sent through Facebook. I don’t know Jason Westlake well, but we had a commonality with another company, and he has struck out on his own the last couple of years. What he shared about that experience totally hit home for me, because I’ve been guilty of all of the things he wrote:

“A key element in my growth was learning how not to be needy. How not to need clients. How not to need the money. Even though I strongly desired to build a business. I used to say “I’m available 24/7 for coaching. I’ll lower my price. I'll barter. I’ll coach anyone on any problem you have. Sure!” What I was really saying was “I’m really needy” and “I’ll bend over backward if you'll just give me money.”

Nothing repels clients like neediness. Nothing attracts clients quicker than confidence and service. I struggled to let go of my client and money neediness. With practice, I slowly built my confidence and let go of my neediness over time.”

I am still struggling to let go of my neediness and build confidence. What I am confident about is that as I continue through the TBAH certification program I will be doing lots of pieces of work around these two subjects, and breaking through a lot of the barriers that have kept me from success in the past. I can feel it, somewhere between the knots in my stomach .

Here’s one more little nugget from Jason (you can find him on Facebook – Jason Westlake, Taipei, Taiwan):

“I used to fret before every phone call and stutter during conversations. I used to try to explain the benefits of my coaching. Getting clients felt salesy, and it felt hard.

But then someone told me that sales conversations should be very natural. So natural that it should feel just like a coaching session. Instead of selling, I began to just coach people while in conversations. I would listen. I would be deeply interested in them. I would really serve them and make a difference for them.

And I was shocked how naturally clients came to me after that. I didn’t have to sell. I just coached them, and they wanted to become clients.”

Be authentic. Be you. Be in Service, with Heart. Doesn’t get any better than that.

The Power of No

A lot has been written about the power of YES, and it is powerful indeed. But what about the power of NO?

Remember that workshop Coach Peggy suggested I do this summer? Good things happened because of that suggestion, good growth for me, AND I’ve been stressing about it since she mentioned it to me. I had a massive panic attack, and couldn’t figure out why, until I realized it all had to do with the workshop.

I didn’t feel ready. I’ve been to only one CORE, so I don’t even know how to ask questions yet! I don’t have a lot of things in place, like insurance, or a place to hold the workshop if it’s raining (and we all know it NEVER rains in the Pacific Northwest, right? No, only for a few months out of the year. The rest of the time, it drizzles). But Coach Peggy said I should do a workshop, so dangit, a workshop I would do!

Except....Peggy never said I had to do it; it was a suggestion. A suggestion. I discovered in that moment that I have interpreted others’ suggestions as directives for pretty much my entire life. What an eye opener!

Then I figured out I didn’t have to say “yes” to this suggestion. Instead of saying “yes” to something that was causing me massive anxiety and panic, I could say “yes” to my inner knowing. I will know when I’m ready to take whatever next step is awaiting me. I’ve done it many times, and been successful. So in this case, I chose to say “No. Not yet.”

I cannot tell you how much better I felt the moment I uttered those words. I did say them out loud. There wasn’t anybody around, but it didn’t matter. Saying them out loud seemed the thing to do.

So a workshop is in the offing, but it may be a bit further out than this summer. When I do it, I’ll have a teeny bit of excited anxiety, and a whole lot of fun. And so will the attendees. Win-win all the way around. I like that!

Inspiration

Over the weekend, my beloved and I watched the film “The King’s Speech.” I was transfixed.

All through the movie I watched Lionel Logue, the speech therapist played by Geoffrey Rush, creatively work with his client. I loved his uncompromising, heart-based insistence on equality. I felt it wouldn’t have mattered whether the client was a duke or a dustman, Mr. Logue as portrayed in the film would have treated each of them the same. It was a wonderful lesson in how quiet confidence and listening, then working with the client, and yield incredible results. Mr. Logue had some great tools in his toolbox, and by trying them out and seeing what worked, then going back and trying again, his client found his voice.

I was totally inspired. What a great metaphor for the work I’ll be doing with my equine friends! I’m putting this film in our library, so I can pull it out and watch it whenever I feel stuck, or like I don’t know what I’m doing, or if I think I should just give up.